Gender

Some of my friends back in Provo, Utah say that I am a black woman because of my stance on many gender and race issue, and this post will probably only confirm this perception.

So my coworkers Gaby (Venezuelan), Jacob (that is not his real name, but he is Ugandan), and I were having lunch and Jacob brings up the subject of gender because he knows that Gaby is a feminist (and he soon learned that I am too).

He begins by telling me that I should marry an African girl because they're "better" and Gaby wanted to know why they're better. After probing him a bit, it came down to this: he thinks African women are better because, unlike muzungu (white) women, they don't want more rights, they are submissive, and they know their place. He didn't say it in so many words but that was the gist.

He then went on to explain that the reason divorce is so common in the west is because women have rights and they can divorce for no reason at all. So, we asked him what he wants for his daughter (who just had her first birthday): Is she got married and then her husband began to abuse her, does he 1) want her to get divorced because her husband beats her and she hates her life, so then she can be happy and take control of her own life OR does he 2) want her to be married to this man for the rest of her life just because divorce is bad. He said that abuse to an extent is tolerable. I then asked, where he draws the line, and he couldn't answer. I was shocked that a dad would even say that he tolerates abuse to an extent because my dad told my sisters’ future husbands that if they abused his daughters in any way he would kill them (I imagine his exact words would have been “. . . I will rip your head of and shit down the hole!”). I understand and know that people feel this way, but for someone I know and work with, that is educated to say these things so bluntly too me by surprise.

He also mentioned a recent case in the ugandan news were a woman killed a man and she admits she did it, but that it was in self defense because he was trying to rape her. Jacob complained that the "feminist" groups came out and supported her without waiting to see if her story was true, but he says that she needs to be held responsible because we don't know (and can't know) if he really did. I agree that she needs to be tried, but on the premise of innocent until proven guilty (which I believe the Ugandan judicial system works on), and not the other way round! He was annoyed with the feminists coming so quickly to her aid but he was going so quickly to the man's aid: was he not doing the exact same thing as them? Also, given the ridiculously high rate of rape here, her story is very likely to be true.

In short, I think women’s education and empowerment are important for the well being for women, children and men. If half of a society is not allotted the same rights and opportunities, then you can be sure that country will not be able to progress and develop. Not to mention that because women are second class citizens in many countries their quality of life is as such.